Thinking thoughts

I am wondering where we are going here... my mind is in some kind of catastrophic phase of thinking that is terrorizing the interior walls of my brain and I have lost complete control. Okay so it isn't that severe but I really can not seem to stop thinking about all of the different ideas I have chasing eachother. I will reveal something about myself. When I become overtakened by an idea I enjoy "thinking" and fantasizing about it for a long time but lack the skills in going much further than that mostly because I am a copier, a follower and not a leader. Something here that I am trying to stray away from is conforming to other peoples molds of how they have chosen to use the CM style. I want us to create our own unique mold that fits us. I am so amazed at how hard it is for me to organize all of the things that I am learningn even with the amount of motivation and enthusiasm I have stored up with in me. I think that I struggle with the fear of not doing it correctly and some how failing completely at my attempt to create the perfect school of "delightful" learning molded just for us, is that possible?

I also fear that I am not capable of the path I am begining to walk down because I feel it is one that requires a lot from me. I feel like this path isn't exactly marked out for me so that I can "follow" and instead I am having to "make" our own path but then isn't that kind of what I wanted to do in the first place, create my own mold? I guess what I am understanding now as I type this is that I am having a difficult time stepping outside of my comfort zone with following the well marked out path and setting out my own. So, are you as confused as I am? :0)

To be continued...